Oh the Toxicity

My dear Grimms…

Buckle up.

Today we discuss toxicity.

Have you ever noticed how certain things or people just bring toxicity into your life? It seems like a no brainer to just cut things like this out of our lives but you know what? A lot of us don’t. We cling on thinking that we can somehow wrangle out a different result. Why do we do this?

I can only speak for myself on this and not for everyone but I do have an idea what it is for me. I can defend someone else all day long but I have a terrible time sticking up for myself. I don’t know what it is but I honestly… sigh… have trouble with this.

Is it the fear of confrontation? The idea that there’s gotta be good in everyone? The want to keep the peace? The guilt of hurting someone’s feelings even when they deserve it?

Gah! I’m not 100% sure but as I get older I feel like it has a lot to do with the last two things. I don’t like fighting. I really don’t. I know it’s cliche but it really brings out the worst in everyone. There’s so much ugliness in the world I don’t want to bring in more.

Which brings us to the point of trying to keep the peace.

I also don’t enjoy hurting people. Even when they do things to hurt me I feel guilty if I hurt them. I don’t know they’re state of mind! Do we really know the extent of the harm our words cause someone else?

When I’m defending someone else these hesitations go out the window but when it comes to myself it’s like I’m frozen. The problem is these things prevent me from letting go of toxic people in my life that are no good for my mental well being.

I think we all know the type of person I’m referring to. They drain you. They hurt you. They just make your life chaotic. Sometimes they’re people in your family, people you call friends, or people you’re intimate with. This makes it so much harder to set boundaries.

Maybe that’s the biggest thing we have to do.

Set a boundary as enforce it but that can be so hard. Especially with people that are close to you. It’s like I’m afraid to offend them! Which I realize doesn’t make any sense. But I’m going to truly work on it.

I deserve to protect my mental health. I deserve to have my boundaries respected. This is something we all deserve! And I know it’s hard to do that for some of us but we have to try because we are worthy of it.

I’m currently dealing with a situation that triggered this post and I’m trying to reaffirm myself that it is okay for me to say, “No. This is not good for me.” I’m not saying I’m going to hate on this person but it is okay for us to let them go in peace for our own peace.

So my message is for anyone who is going through something similar that it’s okay. It’s okay to say enough is enough and do what’s best for you. No matter who it is the people in our lives are not supposed to make us feel like we’re walking on egg shells or that we have to constantly sit in silence in fear of starting a fight. They shouldn’t call us names or tear us down.

For me I’m dealing with someone who at one point I would have considered a friend. I’m having to remind myself of what an honest friend looks like. Whatever or whoever you’re dealing with remember that you get to set your boundaries and the people who are meant to be in your life will respect them.

toxic2

So stay strong Grimms ❀ and wish me luck in working out the situation I’m currently in. Good vibes only!

 

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17 thoughts on “Oh the Toxicity

  1. Good luck! You deserve the best, most supporting friends! With myself , I’ve noticed my brain sometimes gets hooked on the drama that toxic people bring , so once my boundaries are established and peace refills my life , I need to recalibrate my brain to settle back into healthy patterns. That’s when I really need to ramp up patience and self-care! It’s like we need to give ourselves time for healing even after the toxicity is gone! Wishing you peace and love !

    Liked by 3 people

    1. That is so true! I feel the same way. It’s like I have to detox after words. That’s where I feel like I am now. Thank you so much for your kind words πŸ™‚ I hope you are doing well!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Girll… I totally. get. this. It’s so hard especially when these toxic people are people are people that are supposed to be there for you. Yet, you can’t go on in a relationship with someone who weighs you down. Enough with the hypethetcals, because I really just came to say I get you and I struggle with this constantly.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I deal with this all the time with my older sister. I’ll spare you 10+ years of BS, but while we’ve never really gotten along that well, I could at least say she was a fairly good person. Over these past 10+ years, ever since she left home, she’s become a horrible human being who has an innate ability to make me feel like complete garbage in just a few sentences (She also frequently makes my mother cry and disrespects my father because he doesn’t work, even though he’s unable to due to health issues). Her tone is always sarcastic or condescending, especially to me since I’m the younger sister.

    In recent years, I have made an effort to cut her out as much as possible. I usually dodge her phone calls and she doesn’t typically email me, but I am obligated to talk to her on my birthday since my mom wants me to do so given that all she, supposedly, is trying to do is wish me a happy birthday. I dread these phone calls. I hoped with all my heart she wouldn’t call this year.

    I can usually muscle through these brief conversations by biting my tongue at her criticisms of my life and her high and mighty attitude (that she doesn’t even justify having because her life is a dumpster fire). I just give courteous responses, ask how her kids are, small talk etc. and try to get off the phone in as believable a manner as possible.

    But yesterday, on the birthday call, she just went on a war path out of nowhere and dug a hot poker into every crack she could see in me. My mom eventually bailed me out of the call, because she could hear I was getting upset, and I spent about 15 minutes sobbing before I blew out the candles on my cake. My mom laid into her so much she doubts she’ll be calling anytime soon again, but she still wants us to have a relationship because she’s my only sister. I get where she’s coming from, but I have severe issues with anxiety and depression as it is – I don’t need to be dealing with someone like that.

    A good healthy relationship requires two sides working and compromising for the happiness of the other. One side being toxic and the other side constantly working to fix it is never good or healthy. It lets the toxic one off and gives them free reign to continue what they’re doing and continues to punish the latter for no reason.

    Even if it’s blood, sometimes you have to put your foot down and cut ties. Maybe you can leave room to mend bridges way, way, way down the line, but when someone’s negatively impacting your mental health, you have to be willing to let them go – for your sake. It’s not fair to you.

    Sorry to go off like that, but this literally just happened yesterday and your post reopened the flood gates. I hope you’re finding yourself in a better place now. You seem like a very kind person, and you deserve to have true friends that help pick you up in bad times, not ones who create them. Good luck to you in the future! ❀

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this situation. It really is difficult when the situation deals with family I completely understand. I honestly feel like there is so much more guilt as pressure dealing with family. It can be so much harder to draw boundaries because we don’t want to let anyone down. That’s how I always feel. It’s hard! I hope you are feeling better after having to deal with all of that!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Good luck! And you’re absolutely right, some people do just drain you for one reason or another. Me, I have trouble eltting go of people like that; I try tos ee the good in people, and rarely say “I’m done” with people that I probably should. Fingers crossed you manage to resolve everything.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. They really do and I know exactly what you’re saying. It’s like we keeping hoping if we just wait long enough and try to be there for them we can help them move past things. I have a really hard time balancing things like this. I’m trying to establish some boundaries for my own well-being but… Gaaaah! It’s difficult! I hope that I’m making the right choices though.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Good luck and I understand completely because I’m the same. Sadly it’s even worse when it’s family because how can you cut away a part of it if the ones you do talk to bring with them the part you don’t like? It’s hard.
    I truly wish you the best, sending you strength πŸ’—

    Liked by 3 people

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